*Our rainbow*

Im not sure if I blogged about this before, but its something that happened to me and I find it so super special and hold onto it everyday! On the day we were going in to have the ET (Embryo Transfer - our babies put back) its was early morning and sun was rising and it was drizzling the softest rain ever... and as we took the turn off to the hospital, there was the biggest rainbow i have ever seen! It was a full rainbow from the one side to the other and you could clearly see every single colour. I thought oh wow that is amazing - on this special day I get to see that special blessing! Then I forgot about it....

2 weeks later back in JHB in my 2 ww I am lying in bed crying thinking what if this did not work - what will I do - where will I find the strength to go through this again - can I really take anymore heart ache...and while I was praying God showed me the rainbow from that day as clear as can be and it was like He said I gave my people that rainbow as a promise - and on this day I give this rainbow to you - as a promise to you! Believe!

So now everytime I doubt anything in this journey I just look back to the picture in my mind of that perfect rainbow and I am reminded of HIS perfect plan!

Thank you Lord that you are in every detail and you know how much those little things mean to me...God sees our hearts and our desires and He wants nothing more then to make every one of them come true!

...and another...

I am starting to think I am addicted to beta testing :) I went for my 5th test this morning - really could not resist, and the result came back at 8746 :) so looking really good. I am starting to think that there is a small possibility that there could be 2 little snugglers in there! So we will see on Monday. One more week to go.

Today is the first day that I am really feeling nauseous! It seems to be alot more consistant now....as before it would just come and go in waves!

I have told myself NO more beta's, but I think i will just do one last one on friday - for the fun of it! Hey I have been waiting my whole life to be pregnant - why not :)

Its just so interesting to see the levels rising and by how much! I cry everytime I get the results back - as if I am hearing I am pregnant for the first time.

I have also used a few different calculators to work out how far I am as it differs when you do IVF to a normal pregnancy. So some say I am 5 weeks and 6 days and others say 6 weeks. Blood test results put me at 6 weeks on the chart.

Here is a pic of the digital preggi test I did :) 3+ means 5 weeks+

I will post again after my scan in a weeks time!

I went for a 'sneaky' blood test...

Ok so I couldn't resist *blush*... I just get over-joyed at seeing my rising beta's!

Went for #4 @ 18dp5dt and its 2646 so it has been increasing by a bit more then double every 2 days

So the lab say I am measuring at 5 weeks exactly. Fertility Clinic work it out that I am 4 weeks 4 days according to when they did the ET.

By the looks of my beta and the amounts it is rising we have a little 'singleton' which I am also so over the moon about. Twins would be a HUGE blessing - but God knows what's best for us!

First scan is on the 4th July.

I managed to find a digital pregnancy test - been hunting high and low for them but they sold out everywhere!

Wow I am still in awe of this miracle growing inside of me and I thank God everyday for blessing me with a baby - God is so faithful - we must just believe!

Seems like there have been alot of BFP's on the Fertilicare forum lately! (so much for the IVF not working in WINTER story) - congratulation to all of you and I pray for a healthy full 9 months :)

To all of you TTCing - I know this is the hardest thing to go through (ever) but just believe ....your miracle is waiting for you around the corner!

5 weeks 1 day*

So I am 5 weeks and 1 day today. A week ago today we found out we were pregnant! One of the happiest days of our lives. I still jump up and down and shout "I'm Pregnant" cause many times I wondered if this would ever happen!

Since my blood test a week ago my blood test beta levels have gone from 156 - 320 - 626 every 2nd day. I have been itching to go for another beta, but will wait for the end of the week.

I have done a few different *POAS* tests just to see the 2 lines and the X :) Its such an awesome feeling having waited so long to see this and to have had it negative so many times!

I have been hunting high and low for a digital pregnancy test that says "pregnant" and how many weeks - but they sold out everywhere! Seems all of us girls are the same...and they are sold out due to popular demand:)

I can't wait for our first scan on the 4th July. I will be nearly 7 weeks! Suppose to go at 8 weeks but unfortunately my doctor is away till i am 9 weeks so just could not wait that long...so sneaking one in before he goes away! I think I will feel more at ease and it will feel more real once I see the baby/babies on the screen. I feel in my heart its 1 little angel but if its 2 - what a double blessing!

As far as symptoms go I am very tired and have some serious bouts of nausea. Before I found out I was pregnant I had a few mild headaches. I am grateful for every symptom I get cause its a reminder I am pregnant! My b**bs are a bit bigger and I have moments where they are very painful! I can also see alot of blue veins in them that were never there!

We are so so grateful to God for this blessing and continue to just pray His protection and favour over this pregnancy!

I am in awe!! *beam*

We got our BFP** ... feeling so blessed!

Wow what can I say... the last 24 hours have been somewhat of a roller coaster of emotions as we waited to get our blood test results. It's been nearly 2 weeks since they put our babies back:)

So I got a call at 2pm yesterday afternoon from the nurse at the Aevitas Clinic saying ..."Mrs Bloom you are pregnant!" I burst into tears and said to her "promise" and she said " I promise you!" I just cried and cried and cried..... phoned Tom in complete tears and said babes we are pregnant! What can I say - such a happy moment for us! It is all still sinking in, but I am so proud to say that we are pregnant. Thank you Lord for this amazing blessing...for knitting this child/ren together in my womb. From the 1st day of this IVF cycle, we have just been blown away as we witnessed how God just moved in every area of our lives!

For 2 weeks in Cape Town we got reports every second day on how well everything was going and what our babies were doing and how they were developing, and then they put them back in and then nothing...just waiting and more waiting till the day you test to see if this whole cycle has resulted in a BFP.

These last 2 weeks of our cycle have been the most difficult for me as I have had to rely on the unknown 100%. I went through moments where I was completely convinced it was negative... and other days when I just knew this was going to be it...some days I would feel symptoms and signs and then there were days when I felt nothing... the worst was 5 days ago when I just could not take the waiting and begged and pleaded with my husband for me to POAS (P** on a stick) - which is not recommended by the Dr's as most times its way too soon, and then the negative result causes so much anguish...my DH managed to convince me to just wait it out. After feeling very overwhelmed and tearful I had a good cry that whole day. That evening I was so desperate for God to just give me peace to take away this one thing that has been occupying my mind everyday for the last 4 weeks, and I just lay there in my bed praying and praying and then God showed me something...

If I back track to the day we had our Embbies put back, that morning we left early for the clinic and when we were driving the sky was this bright orange colour and there was this soft soft rain, as we took the turn off to the clinic we turned around a bend and on our left was the most beautiful rainbow I have ever seen...it was a FULL rainbow from the one side to the next and I remember thinking oh wow could this day be any more blessed!! After that I never really thought of it again...until when I was lying in bed with this unsettled fear of the unknown and praying for peace...it was then that God showed me the picture of the rainbow again and said "I sent a Rainbow to my people as a promise and that rainbow i sent to you (anita) as a promise" ...

I went to sleep singing You are faithful...

"Lord of all the earth, how You care for me, You have made me, You will save and carry me always - You are faithful, Your joy is my strength
Lord you are my God, i rely on You, i put my hope in things not seen, Your promises all true, Always you’re with me, Your hand will lift me, My trust is in your hands, Always you’re with me
Your hand will lift me, My trust is in your hands"

Then 1 day later after dreaming the whole night about the result, we woke up at 2am when DH left for a business trip, and as he was getting ready I was digging through my draws desperately looking for a HPT that I bought a few months back - yay I found it and placed it next to my bed for the morning - and as my DH kissed me goodbye he said to me, "babes its all gonna be ok"...and i said I can't anymore Im gonna POAS - which he said to me "babes remember God's promise!" And after that I went back to sleep and had such a restful sleep and woke up in just peace. [I never POAS;]...patience...

So as difficult as these last 2 weeks have been, i was reminded all the time to just believe in what I could not see and hold onto what God has promised us... and when my faith was low I just gave what little faith I had to God in prayer and He blessed us!

This journey feels like a million years...but when you get such good news it makes it all seem so less painful....

Please know that there is hope for everyone of us! In every situation - He is faithful. Just believe it with everything you have, and when the situation looks bad still just believe it!

He has plans to prosper us not to harm us - to give us a future! God loves us so very much, and wants to give us our hearts desire - just believe!!!

Thank you to all our friends and family for your love and prayers and we give all glory to you Lord!

Thank you for our miracle.

Thank you for the little miracle growing inside of me.

We are blessed.

All good things come to those who wait .... but this 2ww is hard... so hard!

Now faith is being sure of what we hope for (a baby) and certain of what we do not see (growing in my tummy) – Hebrews 11:1 

Today has been very hard for me, up until now it's been easier to remain positive as we received such positive feedback from Prof re our cycle thus far, but now the waiting 2 weeks for the results, is the hard part - not knowing whats happening in my body and if my babies are truly growing below the heart that pines for them - today I just could not hold it in ...

I was consumed with tears and my faith in this miracle took a huge knock... I guess I am human and having faith means believing with everything in the times when you have doubt everything...

We all lack faith sometimes, and all I can do is take whatever faith that remains within me and give it to God in prayer.... God knows best and He is in control...........

Romans 8:28 - "And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose." – He loves me. Whatever the circumstances we are going through, He is with us.

Damn this is hard - my heartaches for each and every women who has struggled to have a baby - this journey of infertility is the hardest thing ever - and without God I would be a mess! 

Lord please renew my strength and be with all my cycle buddies who are also battling with this 2WW! 

xxx

Conception ... 31.05.2011

God is so faithful...

Cape Town has been such an amazing time for my DH and I - we have laughed, cried, joked and had such a happy time together! This place has been like food for my soul - love it here - it's been a complete blessing to us!

When we started this cycle I really just prayed that God would work a miracle in my body and restore everything that the blood tests showed were damaged and depleted - and this cycle has just delivered that and more! Out of my original 4 eggs on the first scan, my second scan revealed 8 follicles which Prof was over the moon about. Had a few extra days of stimms and had them removed on Day 16 of my cycle - they managed to get all 8 eggs plus one little sneaky one that popped into the tube (not sure where it came from - but it turned out not to be viable). The other 8 were all mature :) which is amazing in its own as sometimes the follicles are empty and they don't retrieve as many eggs as visible on the scans.

On this day the 31st May 2011 our 8 embryo's were fertilized...our babies conceived (4 with ICSI & 4 with IVF) which is a second miracle as we have never had such a strong sperm sample either and they were able to do just normal IVF (where they allow the sperm to fertilize the egg on their own apposed to ICSI where they select the strongest sperm and inject it into the egg. Our IVF embryo's are ahead at the moment). We are on Day 3 of fertilization today and things are looking amazing! Firstly all 8 have fertilized - yay praise God! and they got such amazing grades - most are 5 out of 5 and 1 or 2 are 4 out of 5! This is such great news to us - we have never had such a brilliant cycle and never had so many eggs either. Prof Kruger phoned me personally yesterday - just to tell me how happy he is with the way things are going (he even sounded excited) and said that its going very very well (should i be surprised:) so we could really not ask for more!

Today Tom called again to check up on our babies (as I get too nervous) - and the embryologist told him we are very blessed as things are going so well! So we are scheduled for a 5 day transfer on Sunday morning early (also a first for us as our previous cycles only had 2 viable eggs so did a 3 day transfer). On Sunday we will be able to see which of our 8 babies are the strongest and most developed by then. We will not get a report back tomorrow on how they are doing because they will be leaving them in the incubator not to disturb so they can do their thing in peace - we just continue to pray that they grow in perfection. They are currently between 5 - 8 cells. Hopefully tomorrow 10 cells and then to start compacting and forming blastocysts:) that's what we are praying for! God continue to bless those babies that we may get to tell them how you worked such amazing miracles in their lives before they were even born. Your word says "For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother's womb." - Psalm 139 vs 13. Will you knit those cells together that they will get to grow in my womb into our children! I trust in your plans that you have for our lives - cause you only have plans that will prosper us and bless us! "For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. - Jeremiah 29:11 - My hope is in You!

So Sunday the little ones will be back where they belong and we will be heading back to JHB to wait out till our pregnancy test. If the other eggs all develop to 8 cells and more and are good quality then they will freeze them for another chapter in our lives. they need to reach a certain criteria before they freeze them as they don't normally survive the thowing process if they are not at the right stage.

For now we enjoy the last 2 days we have left in the beautiful Cape. Dr's orders - to enjoy this time together and visit some wine farms in Franschhoek - which we did today :) I have not seen such beauty! The mountains the farms the peacefulness - it was dreamy!

Emotions have been high today (not sure why) but think there has been such excitement and anticipation that you don't realize just how it affects you. I am truly grateful for all the positive steps so far and pray for God's strength daily as I can't do this without you God!

xoxo for now!